Two months have (quietly, peacefully) passed since I first learned of the new laws that threatened our little one’s adoption-Two months of absolute peace, following my panic, anger, discouragement…My lack of faith, when the enemy taunted me with (empty) threats. You can read about it here…
Sigh…I know the truth, the peace found in living in that truth and yet I still fall (so shamefully fast) trembling at the fear in front of me…forgetting God’s unseen army surrounding us (2 Kings 6:15-17).
Our story is still not over. The adoption should have been finalized by now (and I have thoroughly enjoyed entertaining beautiful visions of a summer spent with all this behind us) but the Judge (who I’ve been told is normally quite fast) took the maximum time to file the necessary paperwork and the one woman (yes one, no subs, no assistants, just one) in charge of tribal adoptions is on vacation for a month (left the day before the paperwork hit her desk)! It’s comical really but the beautiful thing is that I can laugh with it. After months (years in fact) of battling fears and sleepless nights, the peace I’ve felt in the silence as we wait has been a gift. The tribe is suddenly no longer making threats to take over jurisdiction of our case and as far as OCS is concerned, it’s just waiting for paperwork to be processed to make our family ‘official’. So after all the drama in the courtroom, the new ICWA laws and threats from the tribe to take her from our family…we suddenly find ourselves surrounded by peace…silence on all sides.
Isn’t that just how God works? Quietly, without any works from us, all the threats that had once consumed us have just faded away. It could almost have gone unnoticed, like when you pray for healing and one day wake and realize you no longer hurt? (Thinking ‘When did that happen?’) THAT is our creator in action. Most often with no pomp and circumstance, just tending to us as He sees fit WHEN he sees fit to do so.
Don’t misunderstand, YES, I wait in anticipation to be on the other side…to share the same last name, to no longer feel the looming presence of OCS in our happy, little home, to quiet the voice that taunts me with ‘she’s not really YOURS yet’, but I know that it will come (in God’s time).
Waiting is never without purpose and I feel led to change my prayer focus during this time of wait to putting on the FULL armor of Christ (Ephesians 6:10-19) in order to gain wisdom and be better prepared for what lie ahead. My focus has been so great on justice for our little one and the adoption itself that I’ve not focused on much else- specifically asking for God to teach me where I lack wisdom, to fill me where I am empty and to prepare me for what lie ahead as we wait. Now is the time to do so…Lord thank you for your patience with me!
So as summer solstice approaches with no court date to count down to and nothing new to report, I am learning to thrive in the journey as we look forward to the destination.
Thank you for your prayers. It thrills me to know that one day I will meet all who have interceded on behalf of our little one!